It’s shocking how many perks the military married get.

Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash

I never wanted to get married, and neither did my partner. The institution of marriage just didn’t jive with our loose, artsy, nomadic lifestyles, plus we’ve both spent our entire adulthood giving the finger to social conventions of all stripes. Forging a stable career path? Who needs it. Monogamy? Fuck that. Marriage and kids? DON’T YOU TOUCH MY FREEDOM I’LL KILL YOU!

Needless to say, a lot of jaws dropped when we announced that we were getting married only a few months after we met.

Everyone assumed we’d let a whirlwind romance consume our better judgement, and we even went…

They’re all just commitment-phobic sex addicts…right?

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Being an openly polyamorous woman in a world that believes monogamy is the only legitimate way to have a healthy romantic/sexual relationship is tough, let me tell ya. Thanks to the constant misrepresentations of polyamory in pop culture (can we please, once and for all, educate people about the difference between polyamory and polygamy?) and virtually no positive examples of polyamorous relationships in our storytelling, people feel entitled and obligated to come to me with all of their opinions about my relationship orientation. I’m pretty sure that my family would’ve staged an intervention by now if they weren’t so scattered…

Disclosing your STI status can be scary and awkward, but it doesn’t have to be.

Photo by Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash

Earlier this year, I came out to the world about something most people would keep to themselves: I have HSV-2, or what is commonly thought of as genital herpes. You can read all about it here, but the short version is that the diagnosis caused my main sexual partner at the time to freak out like an uneducated man-baby and dump me.

In light of that delightful experience, I totally get the tremendous anxiety that’s usually involved in trying to have a disclosure conversation with a new partner. …

One day a week of saying “fuck it” has saved my sanity during quarantine.

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

“That’s it. I’m having a fuck-it day! Huzzah!”

I cackle maniacally at my husband’s raised eyebrows and pour myself another whiskey straight.* A half-smoked joint rests seductively in the ashtray, and a cartoon bubble with visions of the gigantic four-cheese pizza I will soon consume dances over my head.

Normally, I’m a healthy eater, daily exerciser, and productivity addict. I listen to biohacking and self-improvement podcasts and read books about how to train your brain and develop productive habits. I almost never have more than one drink in a night, and marijuana is something I limit to before long hikes…

Modern Sex

Real talk about a virus that’s just not a big deal.

illustration: Nastia L.

My first thought when I got my herpes diagnosis was, “Fuck, Brad’s gonna flip.” Brad was a boy I was seeing at the time, and although he’s pushing 50, the word “boy” definitely applies — as you’ll see when you read on.

My second thought, however, was, “Yay! I can finally work to destigmatize herpes!”

I realize this reaction is unusual, and I wish it wasn’t. …

She was ready to devour him...if he didn’t kill her first.

Photo by Ganapathy Kumar on Unsplash

The vampire sat by the window gazing at the treetops, wondering when her visitor would arrive. The full moon had been floating through the sky for two hours, making her skin feel hot and flushed. Even the reflection of sunlight was a little painful, but she reveled in the sensation tonight. The rising of the full moon meant she would soon be thrilling with ecstasy…as soon as he arrived.

The window was thick, but she could hear the wind howling outside. The sound made her smile. She took a sip from her wine glass, filled with exactly five fluid ounces…

Notes on stupidity and selfishness during the pandemic crisis.

Photo by Tai's Captures on Unsplash

The other day, as I was walking through a public nature preserve near my home in Colorado Springs, I came upon a group of teenagers having a sex party. They were in a small clearing, fully visible from the path. I saw a girl with a blonde ponytail kneeling on the ground, ferociously blowing a boy in a beanie and a large sweatshirt.

There were seven or eight of them, and the ones without cocks in their mouths were talking loudly, obnoxiously. They didn’t care if they were seen. They didn’t seem to notice me walking past.

On the public…

The biggest heartbreak of my life taught me to stop selling myself short.

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

“We need to talk.”

My best friend, Tina, looked up from her phone, a frown knitting her brows. No, that’s not her real name.

“Okaaay. What’s wrong?”

I had decided to fess up about what I’d done. I took a breath and sat down at our breakfast table, the one we’d bought and assembled together only a month before. Tina had just moved in with me for the umpteenth time. She couldn’t afford to pay New York City’s insane rent prices, and I was giving her three months rent-free at my place. Trying to help her out.

I had a…

Finding joy during a crisis doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you sensible, sane, and more likely to do some good.

Photo by Davids Kokainis on Unsplash

I’ve been grappling with a lot of guilt ever since my husband and I began sheltering in place a couple of weeks ago. While the severity of this crisis weighs heavily on our hearts, the dominant effect of social distancing has been to grant us more time together, at a moment when that’s all we wanted.

We only just met last June, and our connection felt cosmically destined, like we’ve been together through countless lives on other planets, in other galaxies. (I know, I know, it’s all terribly vomit-worthy.) We got married quickly, so that his new job with the…

In dark times, our shared humanity illuminates a way forward.

Photo by Evgeni Tcherkasski on Unsplash

Human beings across the globe are living through the scariest ordeal most of us have ever faced. Aside from the fear of catching and spreading an aggressive, deadly virus, aside from the horror of the deaths we’ve seen already and those still to come, aside from the bleak predictions of what will happen should we continue on our current course — aside from all that, we are also dealing with loneliness, financial instability, job loss, crippling uncertainty, anxiety, and for many, depression.

My husband, Jonny, and I can’t stop talking about how lucky we are to be who we are…

Samia Mounts

Colorado-based actor, singer, writer, and producer. Polyamorous, pansexual, pangender, body-positive + sex-positive. Connect with me at

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