I was “overweight” my entire life until age 26, when I managed to lose enough weight to put me firmly in the “healthy weight” category, whatever that means, and I’ve maintained that for a decade…and I still struggle with my relationship to food and my body. I’m working on an essay about it right now, and it’s proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever written.

Like you, I just want to be able to eat like a normal-ass person. No more weighing and logging all my food, no more burning dinner because I’m distracted by mathematical equations involving calories and macronutrients. No more crying jags brought on by shame and the compulsive desire to eat all the chocolate in the world.

I’m now experimenting with not trying to lose weight constantly, living without a Fitbit and a food diary, trying to listen to my body and not shame myself for eating the “wrong” foods. It’s been really hard, with lots of ups and downs, but I can see myself making positive progress.

I’m with you, Shannon — sending you lots of love. You’re definitely not alone.