No disrespect at all to you, Lola, but I agree with Matthew on this…I haven’t heard anyone in the poly circles I frequent talk this way about jealousy, or criticize anyone for having an “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement. I’m in NYC, too. Maybe we just travel in different circles, but the poly people I know — who are pretty much all 30s and older — are really respectful of both people’s authentic emotions, including jealousy, and the relationship arrangements of others. The people I know all seem to agree that there are a million ways to negotiate a nonmonogamous relationship, and everyone should do what works for them. No judgements. I’m wondering if maybe your circles are younger and maybe haven’t had time to mature into being less judgmental of those they disagree with? If that’s the case, I welcome you to join us 30- and 40-somethings for a way better, more accepting vibe! :) :) :)