"That hindered me from understanding that when some anti-gay people talked about folks choosing to be gay, that they might be expressing bisexual potential within themselves — colored by shame."

THIS. Yes. I've had this thought so many times. The insistence that being gay is a choice subtly betrays an inner experience of turning away from certain desires and impulses.

There's so much research indicating strong sexual fluidity in women, not so much in men, but my hypothesis is that men are even more socially conditioned than women to reject any hint of sexual desire toward other men, while women are given more freedom to be fluid, in large part due to the way the male gaze appreciates and makes room for sexual acts between women - as long as they are for the sexual pleasure and gratification of men, of course.

In my view, it's all patriarchy in action, and it's all going to fall away slowly as we move toward true egalitarianism and a rejection of binary thinking in all its forms.