Your friend Allen might be fit, but he's poorly educated...dare I say ignorant? Loaded word, I know, but it applies here. Herpes, if it's being disclosed and treated with a suppressive dose of an antiviral medication, is nearly impossible to catch, especially when you add on the extra layer of protection of a condom. But even without it, the chances of getting it from someone who is treating it are virtually nil. That woman he was interested in dodged a bullet.

And as you said in this piece, it's usually no more than a mild inconvenience. I have it myself, and I'm here to tell the world: It's just a rash. Since first being diagnosed, and after experimenting with only using antiviral meds at the first sign of outbreaks for a few months, I decided to go on a daily suppressive dose. I haven't had any symptoms in two years. None of my lovers (I'm polyamorous) has rejected me over it, and my husband, who also has it (we don't know who gave it to whom) never had a moment of judgement or weirdness over it.

It's overly stigmatized and that needs to stop - especially since doctors predict that the majority of sexually active humans will end up getting it at some point. Already it's estimated that 25-30% of sexually active adults carry genital herpes - many are asymptomatic - and approximately 80% of adults carry oral herpes, which you can also contract genitally. It's not worth all this bullshit judgement and pain.

If you're interested in sharing with your friend Allen, I wrote about it here: https://medium.com/sexography/herpes-is-not-the-end-of-your-sex-life-67d3c67d90f0

I really appreciate all of your writing, Julia; I've been follower for a while! Great piece as always. :)